


How to disappear

by Aenqa



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Everything is shit, Explicit Language, Introspection, Mutual Pining, Post-Love or Host, Unrequited Love, Who tf knows, george is emotionally constipated, or maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26403112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aenqa/pseuds/Aenqa
Summary: It’s been eight hours, and Dream just wants to talk to him, wants to say something to him that’s not for show, not in front of the cameras. But as soon as George is finally done with his stream, he leaves immediately. He just says “well, I’m tired, so good night,” and then leaves without waiting for a response.And it’s so frustrating. Because everything is fucking weird. Everything that happened tonight is a joke, but it’s also not, and it’s serious but of course it isn't serious – everyone is pissed off and confused and the chat has been going crazy for eight hours straight, and Twitter is just an absolute fucking disaster.And George just sat there the whole time. Silently. Looking - weird. Looking sad. Why is he sad? What is he thinking?
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 50
Kudos: 687





	How to disappear

**Author's Note:**

> takes place directly after george's appearance on "love or host"/his solo stream afterwards

George is being stupid. He’s being stupid. He refuses to end the stream for a stupidly long time. He’s not even saying anything, he’s just sitting there looking exhausted and – and weird, not even reading donations, not responding to anything that’s happening except in short, basic sentences. By the end of it, Dream and Sapnap are bombarding him through text on Discord telling him to just end the fucking stream already, it’s getting painful, but he keeps dragging it on, dithering over who he should raid, taking the time to respond to a few dumb unimportant donations, questioning whether there’s anything left to say when there obviously isn’t.

It’s been _eight hours,_ and Dream just wants to _talk_ to him, wants to say _something_ to him that’s not for show, not in front of the cameras. But as soon as George is finally done with his stream, he leaves immediately. After all the stalling on-camera, he doesn’t linger on the voice call for a single second. He just says “well I’m tired so good night,” and then leaves without waiting for a response.

And it’s _so_ frustrating. Because everything is fucking weird. Everything that happened tonight is a joke, but it’s also not, and it’s serious but of course it isn't serious – everyone is pissed off and confused and the chat has been going crazy for eight hours straight, and Twitter is just an absolute fucking disaster.

And George just sat there the whole time. Silently. Looking - weird. Looking sad. Why is he sad? What is he thinking?

Dream wants to talk to him. Off-camera. But George leaves immediately. Won’t answer his texts. Just logs off of everything and ghosts him. Dream is left sitting in a dark room as the noise in his brain from being Very Online finally goes quiet, feeling like a storm has just ripped through his monitor.

What the hell just happened?

* * *

What the FUCK just happened?

George closes his computer and shuts off his phone and walks towards his bed and just collapses on it, stuffing his face into his pillow and letting out an enormous groan. It’s not enough, but he doesn’t know what would be. He doesn’t know what he could do in this moment to release all the stress and frustration and anxiety that’s steadily been coiling inside of him like a spring about to snap.

Everything that happened today was a disaster. He didn’t know how to talk to any of the girls, he didn’t fucking know what he was doing. He doesn’t know why he agreed to go on the stupid show in the first place, except that Austin wanted him to, and – and why wouldn’t he jump at the chance, to have the opportunity to speak to beautiful women, to feel – to feel desirable? It was stupid, and it was a joke, and it was supposed to be fun.

He hadn’t had fun. He hadn’t felt desirable. He had felt awkward and uncomfortable and stressed out.

Yet for all the moments playing in an awful slideshow behind his eyelids, the one he keeps tripping up on, the one that’s festering like a rot in his head, is –

Ugh.

He doesn’t even want to think about it, he just stuffs his head further into his pillow and tries to fall asleep, wants to put this whole miserable day behind him.

It doesn’t work.

It’s just that it’s stupid of him to even care. He was the one who got himself into this in the first place. Dream and Sapnap had _told_ him, they had _told_ him what a bad idea it would be. And they had both sat through five stupid hours of him fumbling his way through a twelve-way conversation, trying desperately to flirt. So George really has no right to complain, no right at all.

But when Minx had left and Dream logged on, George had been ready to be done with it all. To drop it and go back to normal. He _liked_ normal. 

And then Dream invited Andrea on. And then –

God, it’s stupid, it’s so stupid, _you’re so stupid,_ George tells himself, hitting a closed fist against his forehead and squeezing his eyes shut. _You’re so stupid._

He can’t untangle the knot of negative emotions that had immediately materialized in his chest when Dream and Andrea had, of all things, started flirting with _each other._

There was jealousy, definitely, though he wasn't quite sure where the jealously was directed - and there was also just pure frustration and sleep-deprived exhaustion. George didn’t know what to do with himself while she was there, didn’t know if he should be making more of an effort – didn’t know what kind of effort to make. He had felt out of his fucking mind watching it happen. The way Dream started bragging about his world record, of all things - the way Andrea laughed at all his jokes. By the time she logged off they were fucking _making plans_ in front of him, setting up a second meeting. Andrea would teach Dream chess. Dream would teach her Minecraft.

Should that have been George, instead of Dream? That didn't feel right to George. He didn't know why. He just sat there and watched it happen and tried not to show how he was feeling on stream, mostly because he didn’t understand what he was feeling.

All he wanted to do was play Minecraft with Dream. And talk about nothing. And just be comfortable, and feel safe for a little while. Instead, Andrea had logged on and – and she was nice, so nice. And funny, and beautiful. But he felt all closed up again, and not in the fun, nervous way he heard people talk about having crushes. He just… didn’t know what to do with her.

He doesn't know why he doesn't feel the way Dream, apparently, feels about her. The thought makes him sick to his stomach. 

George wants to talk to Dream but he also really doesn’t, doesn’t even want to try and navigate the minefield of THAT conversation, and he’s sick and tired, too, of Dream treating him like – like a fascination or something, making jokes about how they’re boyfriends, as though it’s all some big fucking joke. Something so obviously stupid and ridiculous that Dream feels comfortable getting on a dating show and making jokes about it in front of a hundred thousand people, because who would ever believe _that_? Who could ever imagine that one of them might actually be _gay?_ It’s so obviously not true, right? It's just for laughs, so it's fine! Why else would George agree to go on a _straight dating show?_

Why, indeed.

George feels something ripping him up inside and he doesn’t even know how to name the thing with claws, so he just pulls his pillow over his head and tries to quiet the noise in his head, tries to sink into his bed and just disappear. He doesn’t want people to text him, he doesn’t want to see what people are saying on Twitter. He doesn’t want to exist.

When he feels this low he usually talks to Dream, but this time, Dream is one of the people making him feel low. The way he just dropped it all to run after Andrea. The whole bit. The whole “making George feel better” act that apparently really is just for the clickbait. The second something, _someone,_ more interesting comes around…

Why is George surprised? Really? What did he expect?

His heart sinks with dizzying speed in his chest. What _did_ he expect?

He doesn't know. He doesn't know what he wants. 

Sooner or later, he knows, George is going to have to try and untangle every knot that's formed in his chest every time something like this happens, and when he does, there’s going to be a lot that spills out, a lot that he’s been tying up and holding back for a really long time. 

But tonight, he tries not to think about it. He tries not to think about anything. He just keeps his phone off and doesn't see the texts rolling in from Dream, one after another. Doesn't see that the two of them are dancing around the same questions. 

_hey, are you ok? that was... a lot_

_i know people are going kind of crazy right now so... hope u know u did a good job. it's all just for fun anyway, you know?_

_ok well i hope you're sleeping right now_

_we should talk once you wake up_

_nothing important just, idk. want to talk to you_

_ok_

_goodnight_

Dream types out three more words, and then deletes them all at once.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah idk uh.............. this one just had to happen
> 
> thanks for reading <3
> 
> edit because of multiple comments: george appeared on a dating show called "love or host" yesterday and then had a really weird solo stream right afterwards. altogether it was literally 8 hours of very awkward interactions, that's what this fic is based off of. just to clear things up since apparently some people weren't aware LMAO


End file.
